Random Ramblings of a Panicky Blonde

Feeling Better

2006-11-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you don't know what you're missing until you lose it and get it back again.

P.S. If you have a class and the average on the latest test is an F WITH the curve and you still love the class, you know something's seriously wrong with you...

Life...

2006-10-29T15:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life just hurts...

I hate growing up...

2006-10-24T00:38:00.001-07:00

I hate growing up. I mean, sure, it brings some good things, like driving and moving out and whatnot. But it brings a lot of bad things, too. You have more responsibilities, you have to be in charge, you have to be decisive. You no longer have anyone watching out for you. At least, not over themselves.

Take a look at my sophomore year of college. I spend more time studying and working than anything else. I rarely see any of my friends, and the group is breaking up. Granted, as Evan said, "This year isn't last year, and we need to realize that." But I still don't want to lose my friends. Everyone's so busy, we never have time for each other anymore. It's just kinda depressing, and while everyone else seems to have a new group of friends they can shift to, I'm left in the cold. Well, Evan is too, but to a lesser extent, b/c he has Jon and other CC ppl.

It seems everytime I turn around, someone's always telling me that I'm going to be devoting the rest of my life to school. And while I am a geek and do like school (yes, I'm a nerd), I don't want that to be the sole focus of my life. Which begs the question, just what am I willing to sacrifice to get into med school? I want to be a doctor, but I want to have a life too. I don't want my friends to give up on me, as predicted (other science nerds excluded) b/c I'm living in Neils. I also want to go to camp next year, but I might have to do summer research and internships to gain bonus points for med-school apps, but I don't know if that's what I want to do...

Add on the fact that my friends, while I love them, can be incredibly stupid. I'm going to do something I REALLY don't want to this Thursday, but... I can't say no. If one of my friends needs me, I like to believe that I'd go through hell and high water for them, and I'm trying to. But no one ever mentions how hard it is. Especially when you know they don't want it. It's not like you can save someone who doesn't want to be saved, but you can only help and protect them so much- even from their own stupidity. At what point do you say, why the HELL weren't you thinking?!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it when people come to me with their problems. I love helping them work things out, or, if nothing else, I'm glad to provide an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. So come to me anytime, anyplace, and I'm here for you.

However, I'm kinda freaking out about a decision I have to make fairly soon. I don't want to do it, but I'm pretty sure it's my only option. While talking to Amanda, my sister, she hit my feelings on the nail. She told me, "When people have a hard time making a decision, it's usually because they already know what to do- they just don't want to do it." She's right, but I don't want to admit it, because that means facing a future I don't want...

Oh well. I guess I'm just lost. It happens occasionally. Give me sometime and I'll find myself. I've been worse off before, and I've made it through that. I've been told I've grown since then, so hopefully I've learned something that will help me with this. Sometimes it's just hard to see through the abyss to the light.

"You are a child of the universe, and as much as the stars, the sun, and the moon, you deserve to be here..."
~A friend's away message, I think (Anonymous, maybe)

"Don't give up. If nothing else, I will teach you to fight."
~ER

Really Weird

2006-05-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

So, I'm done with school. For now. My grades were fine, not as good as I hoped, but whatever. Hopefully I'll start caring again next year, because right now I really don't. Which is really bad. But whatever.

Before I left, however, Scott and I went for a walk. We just walked and talked, but it was really weird. I mean, the reality of college for me is that I'm a freshman. It's my first year. I'm going to doing stupid things, slip in some of my classes, and just in general be a freshman all over again. But now I'm a sophomore. Like, officially. And it's really weird. At the beginning of the semester a bunch of my friends and I went bowling. On the car ride back, we were talking about this local band, and Evan said that they weren't going to have any concerts till the end of the year because: "They're too busy doing senior things. Getting married, getting jobs, grad school." Now I have two more years until I'm supposed to do senior things. Honestly, the only one of my friends I can even see being a "real adult" is Whitney. And that's because she's almost married now. I remember when I was in kindergarten and I'd see the big 8th graders in the hall and I'd think they were so big, cool, and old. Now I'm bigger and older and, hopefully, cooler. ;) I don't know how I feel about this growing up thing. I look at my little sisters and I can remember how I was at their age, and that's just really weird. Sigh.

I don't know, I'm all scatterbrained right now. Blame it on the numbing meds the dentist gave me for my cavity.

Home isn't home anymore. It's something different.
~Scott

Catch Up Time...

2006-05-06T14:04:00.000-07:00

So it's been freaking forever since I last posted. I've just been so busy. I came back and within two weeks switched to the advanced math class b/c I didn't like the regular level prof (I'm sorry, but if you take the time to write "But there's still hope" on the board, then you're just wasting my time). So I had a bunch of work to make up for the class, and once that got finished then it was tech week for the Dance Ensemble. It was a lot of fun, and some of the performances were AMAZING!! I was only in the character piece, so it's not like I had a lot to do or like it was even that hard, but it was fun, so I didn't really care. Then there was Latin... I love the class, the people in it, and the professor... the language I'm not so sure about. Someone please remind me why I decided to minor in the freaking language? I'm seriously so screwed when it comes to that class. I'm struggling to get MAYBE a C. I haven't gotten a C in a class since 5th grade science. And now I'll be lucky to get one in my minor class? Great. Just great. Finals start this Thursday and I'm really nervous. I'm actually studying ahead of time- sooner than the night before, that is. Well, not for CORE, but that's a different story. I think this is the first semester of school that I've actually had to work hard as well. I breezed through high school and last semester, but this one's kicking my butt. This sucks.

Moving past my academic issues, I love college. It's so much fun. My friends and I went to the all Neils (science building) picnic yesterday. The fact that I had fun prolly makes me a geek, but I'm comfortable with that. ;) I love our Netflix nights too. One of the best decisions we ever made. Another one of my favorite things to do is work at Cafe Manna with Whitney. I'm gonna miss Hal next year because he graduates from the law school this year. Last Thursday was his last day- what am I gonna do without him harassing me about being a freshman or clicking the counter without "flare"? Who am I gonna harass about wearing the Home Depot apron? Le sigh. Next year looks like it's fun though, too. I'm going to be the secretary for the chem club (we already established my geek status) and my chem professors want me to work for the chem department. My CORE prof also wants me to work for the Writing Center, so I'll probably kill 2 birds with one stone and be a gen chem grader while I sit around the WC and wait for people to bring me their papers. Plus, the guys will all pretty much live in Brandt with me. Ok, so they'll be on 5 while I'm on 1, but at least I don't have to walk across campus to see them. Bekka's going to be 2 seconds away in Berg, while Whitney and Kim are in Guild and Memorial. Kyle's gonna rush and live in the German house (HA!) and Zack's living in a frat, but they have cars.

I really don't wanna study for finals, but I don't have that much more to say... What can I say? I'm kinda boring.

Ok, so that's really not true. But only in person.

And I now love carmel mochas. And espresso. And I'm going to kill Bekka when I go into withdrawal during camp.

"I think I'm going to just start singing my internal dialogue in class. *singing: This class is so boring. My professor is fat...*"
"But you can't get AIDS if you have sex with random strangers AT THE SAME TIME as sharing used needles."
~Thew while watching "Rent"

PS...

2005-12-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

Oh yea. My hair is freaking long and I got my braces off on Monday. Yay!

"There's only one way to tell if a man's honest: ask him. If he says yes, then he must be crooked."

New Post

2005-12-20T23:45:00.000-08:00

So, apparently people actually read my blog and I’ve received several complaints about the lack of updates. However, the number of updates is proportional to the current level of interesting things in my life.

Well, I LOVE my roommate. We get along so well. I really have no clue what those people who complain about getting horrible roomies are talking about- for which I’m VERY thankful! And finals went well. The only one I’m quasi-disappointed over was Chem, which I’ve discovered is a weed-out class, but still… it’s part of my major. However, I also need to just get over myself and realize that a B+ is equal to failing in my eyes because I’m an OCD perfectionist.

Oh! This is new. Apparently I was hit on the head by something really hard and have lost my mind because I declared a Latin minor. Here are a few common questions/comments I’ve received regarding my new minor:
What can you do with it? Nothing. Maybe teach (which I’m not gonna do)
Wow! You must be really good at it. Not really, I just tested into 204, which means I take two translation classes and one history class (which I need anyway as a social analysis- 12 credits total) and I get the minor.
Are you considering getting the major? Hell no. I’m so bad at Latin I technically shouldn’t even be minoring in it. I just am because I received AP credit and now have two gaps in my schedule to fill.
Are you insane? You do realize you’re going to regret this. I already do.

I’ve also been told that I’m going to miss out because I’m not rushing for a sorority. Honestly, how many of you can actually see ME as a sorority girl??? I’d probably be kicked out within a week, if they even let me join. The one thing I will miss is that I won’t get to participate in Derby Days next year. It’s a charity event put on by a frat for freshman girl wings and the sororities. You compete in a talent show, trivia contest, and volleyball, but the highlight is at night. Every night for one week, the boys put on derbies and run around Huglei lawn. The girls chase and tackle the boys in an attempt to get the hats. And when I say they’re chased by girls, I mean that they have anywhere from 20-45 girls running after them for their hats. The boys appear out of nowhere: from cars, various buildings, etc. Those that hide their derby under their shirts instead of running right away are stalked like prey. And the girls get vicious. Once a guy goes down the girls dog pile on him and all fight for the hat. One of my own teammates once bit me in an attempt to get the derby because she couldn’t tell whose hand it was. So yea, it was kinda fun.

Well, I made the Dance Ensemble. I’m in a character piece. Technically I’m only an extra, but it’s still fun. The girls in my group and I hang out and mess around at the “soda fountain.” The Ballroom Dance Club is also going to perform, so I’m excited. We’re doing a latin mix- it’s not traditional Latin dancing because we’re performing on a stage instead of in a ballroom, but it’s still fun.

Wow, I just reread this and realized how... everywhere I am. I don't know, it's 2:46 AM, so I'm just gonna blame my lack of... coherentness on that. Later luvs.

"Ohio? Isn't that next to California?"
"No, it's right next to Indiana. They touch."
"No they don't, you liar."
~Bridget and Regina

"Who would've thought that when we said 'the group' we'd include Kyle?"
~Evan

I've always hated this part...

2005-09-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

Wow... It's been such a long time since I've posted, it feels like so much has happened, when, in reality, not all that much has changed, even though it has (I know I'm talking in riddles again). For starters, I moved into my dorm at Valpo four weeks ago this Saturday. My roommate and I get along really well- she's a shy, quiet, loner and I'm me. We let the other do her thing and mind our own business. While I would like to get to know her better, I don't mind that we're not best buddies. It could be a heck of a lot worse- I hear some of my friends' horror stories and celebrate that Amanda and I are not at each other's throats. Yes, even moving out of my house will not allow me to escape the "Rachael and Amanda" couple. *sigh*

Anywayz, as I sure this surprises oh so many of you, I LOVE my classes. College classes are much more fun than those in high school. The only class I have to complain about is Comparative Politics- it's so boring and I hear the tests are HORRIBLE!!! Oh well, I'll just face those when the time comes. But Chemistry and Calculus are both pretty easy right now (this is prolly because I took them both last year, but whatever, I'll take what I can get). And, while my CORE (it's kind of like an English/Lit course, but we're not supposed to call it that) teacher is kind of flighty, the class is awesome. Amanda (yes, another one) and I sit in the back, BS our way through the whole class, and make fun of the class' difficultly level (or lack thereof). Not only are my classes cool, but my actual schedule rocks- full of plenty of breaks and none of those early morning classes. And yet, I'm still done by 3 (except Thursday).

Monday, Wednesday, Friday
Chem 10:10-11
Calc 11:50-12:40
CORE 2-2:50

Tuesday
Comparative Politics 9:45-11
CORE 2-2:50

Thursday
Comp. Polit. 9:45-11
Calc Lab 12-1:45
Chem Lab- 2-5

The only day I truly have issues with is Thursday- 5 hours of labs straight. Which also means that I have two complete lab reports due every Thursday. Not fun. Especially my first Thursday when I freaked out and decided I was going to drop out right then and there. That week, however, I was slightly under the weather and got all worked up because I thought I had no idea what was going on when I really just needed to relax (NO WAY!) and think about things instead of panicking. Currently I'm slightly more under control- however we need to remember we're talking about me. :)

The only class I haven't had yet is Pre-Med Colloquim (I have no idea how to spell that...), and that's only an hour-long lecture from someone in the medical field who speaks about what they do. All I have to do is show up and listen every other Monday, but I can do that.

I also have this nasty habit of suddenly joining clubs and taking on responsibilities without even knowing how I did it. I am now part of Union Board, the Ballroom Dancing Club (and I may be competing, not quite sure on that yet), and Habitat for Humanity. Next week I'm trying out for the Dance Ensamble, I'm volunteering at Cafe Manna, and somehow I became the President of my dorm. Still not quite sure how that happened...

I guess what I'm trying to say is I love college, I love being a biochem major, I love my classes, and I love being busy and not too stressed out. :)

Lessons I've Learned While in College:
1) Easy Mac is still ok to eat after leaving it uncooked sitting in water for 45 minutes (it only looks gross).
2) Having soup cans randomly roll around on 30 is a VERY BAD IDEA!!!
3) Squeaky cheese exists, but don't call it that in front of Wisconsinites. Apparently it's actually called cheese curds, even though it is squeaky cheese.
4) Forgetting to eat (say... if you happen to study right through lunch and breakfast) is another BAD IDEA!
5) It's easy to end up on committees without knowing what just happened.
6) The world might end because the Malcontents broke up.
7) Always turn the dorm key opposite the way you initially want to.
8) You can be at the top of your hardest class and still be outsmarted by a garbage bag.
9) Caramel corn ricecakes taste better heated.
10) Every Meredith needs her Faith.

"You are a child of the universe, and as much as the stars, the sun, and the moon you deserve to be here..."

Tired...

2005-05-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of school. I can't stand the sight of my highlighters- screw color-coding in general! I don't want to study, I don't want to think, I don't want to be OCD, and I HATE being a perfectionist. I'm sick of pulling all-nighters, and yet, guess what I'm going to be doing all week (as of last Sunday)? I want to sleep (*GASP!!!! Yes, the apocalypse is coming*). I'm stressed. I'm freaking out about every little thing. I'm about ready to have a mental breakdown. People just need to leave me alone. Is it too much to ask that my last week of senior year be nice and easy? Apparently yes. I'm sorry my room isn't clean, but I don't even have time to take a break and relax, so excuse me for slacking off. Oh yes, relax, that wonderful thing that I no longer do- heck, that I haven't done in OVER 4 YEARS!!! So as of right here, right now, I'm dropping out of high school. I'm not getting my GED, I'm not going to graduate, I'm just going to quit. Something I've never done before.

You know what the worst part about this is??? That tomorrow morning, when the sun comes up (not when I wake up, as I said, all-nighters all week), I'm going to care again. If one of my highlighters runs out, I'm going to hold a formal funeral. I'm going to panic and freak out because I'll have to take a 2-part physics test that I refused to study for. Then I'll come home and study for my calculus and physics tests. I'll kill myself as I slave over my stupid statistics project, and for what? A grade???

"Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost."
~Thomas J. Watson

Meet incredibly pissed off Rachael...

2005-02-11T22:05:00.000-08:00

(Please ignore all the "likes" and everything else that keeps repeating- it just reveals how mad I am that I don't even care about grammar)

So, yesterday the dance team coach said that the seniors might not get to do a senior dance b/c we're sharing senior night w/the basketball team, band, and the cheerleaders. She said that if we didn't get to dance it'd be most likely b/c the cheerleaders were doing their own thing. [This is according to what the athletic director told her] And so today the seniors went to talk to the AD and we're like, yea, this isn't cool. We've already gotten shafted so many times this year b/c we've only gotten to perform at 6 games whereas the cheerleaders have had the rest (and we're talking boys' AND girls' home games). And she's all, well, you do other stuff, blahblahblah. And we're like, no, we've never done anything outside of basketball games [except for the Ice Game- a first time thing this year]. So then she starts in on how dance team is only 10 years old, tops, and we're like, so? And she's like, had I known that you thought you were only a basketball thing then I woulda thought twice before allowing the dance team to form. This means you'd be classified as a sport if u only do basketball games. And, as a sport, you’d fall under my jurisdiction. I mean, even now if you choose to do that then I'd have to sit w/your moderator, create a mission statement; I'd also hafta approve your routines, outfits, music, etc. And she's going on and on and then she's like, and I really don't wanna do that. I mean, it's too much work for me (or something). Anywayz, she's like, I'd rather the dance team be categorized under fine arts, like band. And then she starts in on how she watches the cheerleaders on ESPN or whatev. So she can look for "appropriate" uniforms, moves, etc. At one point she even mentioned how she saw a move on tv that she thought she had seen our cheerleaders do. So she went to the cheer coach who replied, yea, our girls did that. It's a gymnastics move. And then the AD said (and I quote) "so when u see the cheerleaders perform a lewd move, it's really just a gymnastics move." My question is, when did humping the floor become a gymnastic move??? Honestly, can someone please answer that question for me? I’d be greatly in your debt. And like, throughout the whole talk she's subtly threatening to end dance team. I'm sorry, but that's NOT cool. Just b/c you don't wanna do something is no reason to end it. I mean, you’re there for us, the kids, the people who are paying ur salary- remember us?!?! Apparently not. I mean, it’s not like it’s a private school or anything. So yea. We're all REALLY pissed. According to her, probably the best we'll get is introduced before the game w/the band and then dance. And then, during half-time, the cheerleaders and basketball team will get introduced and then the cheerleaders will perform. All we wanna do is dance during half-time, preferably after the cheerleaders. Is that so much to ask??? I mean, we've been looking forward to this for 4 yrs. It's been on our schedule the WHOLE season. And anywayz, our coach had said that she worked it out w/the AD that the whole dance team would dance before the game and then the seniors’d dance during half time. The AD denies all of this. Our coach did mention that she and the AD were butting heads on the drugs and alcohol policy and hinted that maybe some of her resistance was coming from that. so yea. i never used to have a prob w/the AD, but now......... no. just no. The dance team does everything ourselves. We don’t ask the school to buy our uniforms, or pay half of the cost to send us to nationals. Honestly, we’d be screwed if we even wanted to compete b/c we’d probably hafta compete in a pom squad competition, which is really just cheerleaders pretending to dance while randomly inserting gymnastics. Now, I don’t hate all cheerleaders- I actually respect their work ethic. It takes a lot of hard work to become good (however, the ones at my school aren’t necessarily good). I only detest the ones who think and act like they’re above everyone else b/c they’re cheerleaders.

*big sigh*

I just needed to rant. I'm done now.

later luvs!

“Forgive your enemies- it'll mess with their heads.”

~Unknown

Goodbye Old Friend!!!

2005-02-10T22:55:00.000-08:00

Hey all, long time no post. So the ice game was fun. Nerve-wracking, but fun. And while I screwed up my musical audition, I did make the Opera Company chorus, which hopefully involves some sort of dancing. Also visited UD the other day- not bad.

Time to get down to the bad news. It’s Lent, for all of you who aren’t Catholic, and while this is not necessarily bad news, it all depends upon how you deal with what you’ve given up. Sadly, I might not make it. It’s time for all of us to say goodbye to the fun, crazy, psycho, schizo Rachael. I gave up sugar, caffeine, and all that entails. That means for 38 more days, there will be no more sugar highs, no more crazy, random, sporadic moments, no more individuality, no more consciousness. The OCD shall still remain, but that means nothing if I can’t hold my head up b/c I’m tired. This probably means that these all-nighters I seem to constantly pull will also disappear. That, or I’ll be hospitalized for exhaustion, but whatev. :) Goodbye dear friend! I’ll miss you!

Later luvs!

“The way to write American music is simple. All you have to do is be an American and then write any kind of music you wish.”
~Virgil Thompson

IT'S LATIN WEEK!!!!!

2005-01-30T01:28:00.000-08:00

Break out your gold and purple, people, it’s Latin week!!! That means you need to…….. Yea, I really don’t care either. It does mean, however, that I get to do nothing in Latin class, but what else is new?? Anywayz, danced tonight at the Anderson game (which was HUGE!!! I don’t think we’ve ever danced in front of so many people), and our coach said we performed better then we ever have, and this means a lot coming from her. Especially considering she wouldn’t hesitate to tell us if we sucked. Actually, she did (tell us we sucked) at one point. This also means we have to start the big countdown to the Ice Game next Friday- so it’s what? We’ll pretend it’s still Saturday and say there’s 6 days till the BIG day! O goodie. Seriously, tho, I’m prolly gonna hyperventilate and pass out before we go on. Stage fright. Gotta luv it. Speaking of stage fright, musical auditions (for Phantom) start on Tuesday, and I’m really not looking forward to them. I just want a minor dancing role, like, a ballerina or waltzer, but I still have to sing. And I don’t sing. Because I can’t sing. And there’s also the MAJOR stage fright factor. So yea, I’m really looking forward to those. But whatev.

Vale! (ok, so technically Latin week ended on Friday, but who cares?)

“Ego sum rex Romanus et supra grammaticam”
(I am a Roman king and therefore above grammar)
~Unknown
(I luv this quote- simply b/c I’m a Roman king above grammar, even tho I’m grammar obsessed- it was on my button)

Um.................... hi?

2005-01-18T17:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, long time no post. Not much has been happening here. I played a heart child in Alice and Wonderland on Sunday, but that's really just a nice way of saying extra. ;) Um...... my Ice Game performance was postponed for a couple of weeks, which is good and bad. Like, I wanna dance, but I wanna get it over with. Like, I know I'll love it, but I'm gonna freak myself out before I go on (assuming I make it onstage and don't hyperventilate and pass out due to nerves). We're also working on our senior dance right now, which, from what I can tell, is going to look awesome, but will also be something I cannot do. ;) So yea, wish me luck! That's about it. Wow, I don't think I've ever had a post this short before.

Later luvs!

P.S. Happy 11th birthday Emma!!!

"If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes."
~Unknown (I hope I didn't use this one already, but it's my senior quote)

Stupid Semi...

2004-12-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

So, yea. This week has been horrible, and I don't see it getting any better. On Monday I found out my final and semester calc grades. And, apparently, my final grade was the lowest. In the whole class. As in, I don't want to go back to class because it was that bad. I'm embarrassed because I did that bad.

Tuesday I was hit by a semi.

It wasn't really that bad, but when I say it like that I get a cool reaction outta people. Anywayz, he backed up and hit my car. Yes, I did back up (a little- there was another car behind me) and honk my horn, but he still indented my grill and killed my left light.

Then today my mom took my car in for an estimate, but the people couldn't pop the hood. So the $2,300-3,300 estimate is incomplete because the mechanics couldn't check the innards of my poor baby. And I feel really bad for the guy because he wants to pay it out of his own pocket so his insurance doesn't go through the roof. And this is right around the holidays. And it's expensive. REALLY expensive. Plus, my mother was incredibly rude to him while we waited for the cop to show up. Well, it's more like she pretended to be on the phone when she didn't wanna talk to him, but still..... And the guy was really nice too. After that some of my friends came over and exchanged gifts, and apparently "Ms. Perfect" is even more perfect then I thought. Not only is she OUTRAGEOUSLY smart (as in 1580/1600 SAT), and an awesome runner (she's gone to state for cross country and track 4 years each, I think), but now she can also sew and make cute Christmas gifts. As in, I now have a skirt I think I'm going to wear on Christmas. She's just one of those people that you love to hate. And honestly, I do sometimes, because she can be annoying as hell. But then I feel bad, because she's my friend.

So yea. I can just see it, on Christmas, I'll go downstairs, and my parents'll be like, "Yea Rachael, so, apparently we forgot your presents in Indy. Sorry." Or I'll just get in another car wreck and die on my way to Chicago. Honestly, that sounds more likely. Great.

Anywayz, enough ranting. Anyone else have special Christmas or New Years plans? I'm going to Chicago for Christmas (in case you didn't figure that out), but so far New Years is a bust. Well, not really. I have tentative plans, but we all know what happens with those.... ;)

Later luvs! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

P.S. I KNOW you're not supposed to start sentences with "and," and I also realize I did it about a million and one times, but I'm going to suggest (for your own safety) that you don't dwell on it. Or point it out to me. Either could be hazardous to your health, especially with the week I've had/am going to have.

"Shut up! I hate myself enough already, I have no time to hate you."
~Unknown
(But it totally goes with this week)

Finals and The Llama Song (because it's cool)

2004-12-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

Finals:
Day 1 (Thursday): Religion and AP Literature and Composition
Day 2 (Friday): AP AB Calculus and Physics*
Day 3 (Monday): Organic Chemistry and Latin IV
Day 4 (Tuesday): AP Statistics

*Yes, my brain is now mush due to these tests (yes, I FAILED BOTH of them). I have, however, improved since I took them yesterday. I can now speak in complete sentences instead of gibberish (well, the sentences are in gibberish, but they are grammatically correct). I hate school. And I failed both of them.

The Llama Song:
Here's a llama,
There's a llama,
And another little llama.
Fuzzy llama,
Fuzzy llama.
Llama
Llama
Duck.

P.S. Guess who received her first college acceptance letter??? ;) (From Ball State- 4 days after they received my transcript)

"Rachael, maybe you'd be normal if you slept."
~Sarah

Flying Pink Elephants

2004-12-05T03:05:00.000-08:00

K, so, originally that was gonna just be "Pink Elephants", but I decided they had to be flying. I don't know why I made up that title, I just did. I guess it's sorta b/c it reflects how I've been feeling lately. Like, I'm bogged down w/homework, and school, and dance, and college, etc. And I'm almost at my breaking point, and then today I'm told that my cuz Eddie, who had surgery last Monday on his back b/c he has scoliosis, now has a blood infection. So they're transfering my cuz who is currently missing 5 discs (discs, not vertebrae) from his back to another hospital and that the second part of his surgery (which was supposed to be on Monday) is put off indefinitely. So yea, I'm a little upset, but I'll live.

Anyways, the life is good, stressed but good. I received my 2nd set of SAT scores, and my verbal went down 20, but my math went up 60, and that's all that I needed/wanted/was hoping for. ;)

Um, dance is good. Ok, so the second one is HORRIBLE, but we're fixing it, so hopefully it'll be good. And we just made a change to the 1st one, which is REALLY annoying b/c it's the one we've been doing since October, so I know I'll mess it up at some point. Hopefully that point is only practice, but... And, while I love the team, there are some people who shouldn't've made it. Not that they aren't good, but that they never show up. So every preformance we have to re-do positions, which screws up ripples, partner work, and other such things that depend on placement.

I hate school, and I'm gonna fail my finals, but that's ok. Especially since I have physics and calculus on the same day. But whatever. ;)

And I've been asked about staff weekend, well, here's the deal. It's right in the middle of finals. As in, I have them on Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday. However, I may be able to convince the parents to let me go if I leave around/before noon.

And Ann Therese, if you read this, what you said on Friday at the reunion- wow. Your awesome, hun. However, I repeat, IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU CRY. (On Friday, retreat 3 came back and I went to the reunion, and I wrote Ann Therese a letter. When she came back she said something really touching about that letter, and it's put me in a happy mood all weekend- ok, so it's only been 2 days, but still) ;)

later luvs! (Ignore any typos, mistakes, etc. For once I'm saying screw OCD- which, in reality, means I'll never be able to read this again for fear I find one)

“Clench your fist and you will grasp nothing. Open hands receive the willing world.”
~Unknown

Post IMON...

2004-11-12T00:20:00.000-08:00

hey, so not much is new here. uh..... let's see. IMON was last weekend, and was fun only due to the people there, the actual event was boring. i od'd on sugar and was sick later, but the ppl around me didn't even get to enjoy a true hyper-rachael b/c i was so tired that all the sugar basically did was keep me awake. seriously, my lack of sleep has gotten REALLY bad!!! it's all b/c of my evil term paper (due mon). so in psych, we're learning about sleep deprivation, and last night, between 1-2ish i took a test to determine my sleep debt. my score was in the highest category possible. as in, the category that contains the scores of ppl w/sleep probs (such as insomnia). and recently, it seems as if everyone is lecturing me about sleep. like, ok, so i KNOW i don't get enough sleep, but i function. i live. but think about it, if i actually slept i wouldn't have time to do everything that i am now (CARE, school, babysitting, dance, friends, etc). and i honestly don't-can't-WON'T give anything up. so i just want to take this time and state that i am officially anti-sleep. sleep when you need to, occasional naps are ok, but from now on sleep=BAD!!!

i have my first dance preformance (other then homecoming) coming up, so wish me luck for that. and we are scheduled to preform at an ice game, so if u wanna come e-mail me and i might tell you the date/time/etc.

going to IU tomorrow with my cousin who came in from chicago. it should be fun. other than that, my life's incredibly boring. so yea. the end.

ps- if this whole post is a little off, it's b/c i haven't gotten a good night's worth of sleep in about 3 mos. ;)

In a competition, there is only one winner; but both teams can be champions.
~Coach K (at today's sr signing party)

Time to practice for the elections...

2004-10-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

ok, so i have some really good news. well, lots of it. ok, so, report cards came out and i DIDN'T FAIL CALC!!!!! I GOT A C!!!!! which, ok, yes, is horrible, but i've never received an F on a report card (ok, so i've never received a D on a report card) and i'm soooo glad i was able to keep that streak going. however, i have a 3.8, not perfect, but it'll do. AND i got my senior proof pics back- and they're AWESOME (if i do say so myself)!!! normally i'm not photogenic at all, but i LUV these!!! however, i'm having probs picking out 2-3 from 29, so i'm gonna scan my favs in the next coupla days, and then e-mail anyone/everyone who wants to vote. so if u wanna help me pick, e-mail or im me or leave a post here w/ur e-mail and i'll send em ASAP.
thanx babes!

“Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple will come someday.” [sic]

It's been a good week, but long and hard

2004-10-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it’s been a while. There isn’t much new with me. I’m totally failing calc (and I’m serious about this- normally when I say I’m failing it usually means I’m getting a B- or something, but no, I’m really failing), so I have to decide if I’m gonna stick with it or drop it next semester (b/c if I drop it in the middle of the quarter then I receive a “withdraw fail” on my transcript and I’m like, uh, NO). b/c I think I sorta wanna drop b/c it’s not like I like the teacher or her teaching methods, but if I drop it I’ll feel like a failure, etc (aka bad for self-esteem). But then again, it’s not like failing helps either. ;) So I’m sorta stuck. Oh, ok, so last weekend I had to break a social norm for a psych project, and I was gonna go to McDonalds at 7 am in a prom dress, order breakfast, eat, and leave. However, as I was going to put the dress on (hair and makeup done nice, not prom-my, but nice to sorta go w/the theme), but then my dad said I couldn’t b/c (and I quote), “You might face some male gentlemanly aggression, as in ‘hey baby.’” He also said ppl would stare at me. Seriously. I mean, it’s not like the point of the project was to get people to notice me, or that the guys that would go all “hey baby” would still be hung over from the night before, or anything. ;) I settled for eating a fruit and yogurt parfait and later a (hard shell) taco w/a fork, it’s actually pretty hard. So I wanna know what you ppl would do if u saw a girl enter McD’s at 7am in a prom dress. If asked why I was wearing the dress, my planned response was, I just wanted to.

This week has been a retreat filled week. On Tuesday we had a retreat reunion breakfast, and that was fun. Except Pat’s car is in the shop, so he asked me for a ride. I said yes, but the ride on the way was sorta awkward. I mean, it’s sorta expected, b/c we broke up, but still. I dunno, he was a sorta good friend b4 we dated, but not really, but I still miss his friendship. I don’t think I could ever date a friend, could any of you? What’s ur police on dating friends? And then today they retreatants came back and I went out to dinner w/my group and then we went to their reunion. It was sooo much fun. And then later my close friends and I went shopping and out for ice cream.

This weekend is basically a long weekend filled w/hmwk. I have a term paper outline and thesis due Monday, but in order to do that I need to finish my research 1st. Then I’m gonna do the whole college application thing and try and find some time to learn calc. So yea. It’s not like I’m busy or anything. ;)

Later luvs!!!

"Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret."
~Laurence J. Peter

this one's really, REALLY long!!!

2004-10-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it’s been a REALLY long time since I’ve updated. Okay, so not that long ago, but whatev. Okay, so what’s new with me. Homecoming week was awesome, and yes, I did eventually find costumes. However, the BEST part is that WE GOT THE STICK!!!! [Okay, so it’s more of a shillelagh (I think that’s how u spell it, not sure), but whatev] For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, there is a HUGE competition among the classes @ CHS for the spirit stick and usu the seniors win. However, last year my class won, and I was afraid that b/c we would think we’d’ve automatically won we’d slack off and lose miserably. Instead, we took first place in dress up, charity, AND hall decorating. YAY ’05!!!! We took second in magazine sales, but I’m not surprised about that. Seriously tho, I was soooooo scared we were gonna lose, but in the end, we pulled it off. For the charity thing everyone had to bring in $3 and the school was gonna donate it to a buncha charities, well my class went around and ppl paid x-tra $$$ and our class officers even took some from the class fund to pay for ppl who forgot. And the hallway ROCKED!!! We had to decorate it according to the dress-up days, and for John Deere Day we brought a real tractor into our hall. That’s how into spirit week we get.

And then, during the second assembly, came the dreaded dance. So I was one of the 10 choosen to dance, but I was scared that was only b/c I’m a senior and it’s my last homecoming ever (*tear*). BUT, I learned the stupid turn thing right before ppl started coming into the gym, so that was cool. And then, to add on to my stress (b/c I had just learned the turn, there was no guarantee that I’d nail it during the performance) we never did it full out. We marked it 3 times, and that was it. Once I got out on the stage tho, my mind blanked. I seriously CANNOT remember ANY THING AT ALL about the performance. I mean, I remember the first 8 counts, and 2 minor mistakes, and the fact that my shoe popped off at the end (but that was after the final double pirouette in which we end up on the ground in our end pose, so it was ok), but other then that I’m drawing a blank. I guess that’s what stage fright does to you. But, I’m pleased to say, that I heard nothing but positive feedback, and I do believe (and someone else even said this to me) that this year the dance team received the most applause it ever has. AND, for the icing on the cake (mmmmmm….. sugar ;)), WE DID BETTER THEN THE CHEERLEADERS!!! Well, in my opinion we did. At the very least we have more class, seeing as how we didn’t hump the floor. ;)

After school I went to my friend’s house and we decorated our senior shirts, and then left to go to the game. It was on this trip that I experienced the WORST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE EVER!!!! You see, we have no football field, so all our home games are usu at Arlington, but for some reason this one was at Tech. So, I’m following my friend b/c I have NO sense of direction and NO IDEA where I’m going. So she turns right on Michigan Rd and I follow. Suddenly she jumps the curb and turns into a parking lot. I’m like WTF, then suddenly I realize a car is slowing down while coming at me head on. I freak out, jump the curb and follow her. Turns out that car was a cop car. Now, neither of us saw the one way signs. AT ALL. So as we’re in the process of turning around, he pulls in, parks, shines the bright light into my car and walks over to me. He comes up and is like, “do you have a license,” “where are you going,” “how long have u had ur license?” etc. Basically, he’s harassing me as I’m trying not to hyperventilate or puke or cry or something. I told him I go to CHS, I’m a senior, I’m following my friend to homecoming b/c I have NO IDEA WHERE THE HELL I AM. She turned, I followed, neither one of us saw the one way signs. He’s all, “So if she jumped off a cliff would you jump too?” I’m freaking out and he’s harassing me and at that point I was just like, dude, they’re 2 TOTALLY different situations. But I was still too scared to formulate coherent thought, so I was just like, “No, but…” and he cuts me off and then starts yelling some more. Finally he stops and is like, “Be more careful,” gives me my license, and drives off. HE DROVE OFF!!!!!! My Q is, WHY THE HELL DIDN’T HE GO TO CHRISTINE’S CAR?!?!?!?! I mean, it’s really obvious that I was following her, and yet he harasses me and drives off. WTF is up with that?!?!?! ARGHHHH!!!!! So we arrive at the game and I don’t have a student ID b/c I missed picture day because I was at Ransburg. However, both of the teachers at the gate have me in class and I have an old ID, I’m wearing a senior shirt, and I’m wearing the special retreat necklace that only seniors get. So I fig I’m set. No. They make me buy a ticket b/c I don’t have my ID. I must’ve still been upset from the stupid cop thing b/c as I walk in the gate after buying my ticket I start to tear up, and I HATE crying, so it was really bad. So yea, that is the story of THE WORST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. Getting harassed by the cops. O yay. And I’m supposed to be the good one.

Then I finally arrived at the game, which was once again rigged so that we played the ABSOLUTE WORST team ever so a victory was guaranteed. Which translates to after the band preformed and the court was announced, me and my friends left to go get ice cream. Then went to the dance and then home.

Then on Sat I went to encampment, did basically nothing (except nap- it was awesome, the most common injury was nosebleeds, except for one kid who needed stitches), tried the hookah once (which was soooooo nasty and the experience will NOT be repeated), and talked with Byer and Pinkus till 3:30 am. On Sun I didn’t even come home, I went straight to my babysitting job until 6:00, came home and did homework until 4 am, and the only reason I stopped then was because I passed out (I woulda kept going, but exhaustion got the best of me). So yea, that’s what’s new w/me. And b/c frosh-jr’s have to take psat’s on wed I’m going up to Valpo w/a friend tomorrow and we’re spending the night and doing the whole visitation thing. Other then that nuthing’s new.

OOOO!!! I’m co-authoring a book with Laura, so go and read the excerpts and any comments are welcome!!! http://www.matmaidcorner.blogspot.com/

"Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it."
~Socrates

Dance Issues...

2004-10-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

ok, so i'm officially freaking out. b/c so many ppl haven't been coming to practice and don't know the dance, only 10/14 are preforming, and (either unfortunately or fortunately, i can't decide) i am one of the 10. however, this means i can't hide behind ppl and blend in w/the crowd. not to metion the fact that we just finished choreographing the dance TODAY during our 5 HOUR PRACTICE!! so i'm screwed. and sore as hell. My main list of complaints:
1) there's this awesome ripple w/this one part that we do a fake back bend, but by the end of the day i was just haphazardly falling into it instead landing it controlled
2) and my doubles are still sloppy, not controlled at all
3) even worse, i just got my axel to look somewhat ok, and we ax-ed it and now there's this vertical spin thing that i CAN'T DO!!!!!! (which sux)
4) and my knees hurt, from the double-fall-out-thingy
5) and school's hard as hell
but, on a happy note, i got my hair cut (layered, angled, and high-lighted) and my braces off (well, until tues). the ortho took 'em off for sr pics, which i had on thurs and mon, but then they're back on indefinitely (unfort). o well, gtg do hmwk- O JOY!!! (did u note the sarcasm???)

"Pessimism is a product of inactivity."
(obviously, this person has never tried it)

I'M ALIVE!!!!! ........barely

2004-09-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

hey pplz, so i've had an EXCELLENT week! no school tuesday, funky schedules wed & thurs, what more could a girl ask for [well..... a convertible, a hot guy, money (cash and credit cards), an unlimited wardrobe, no school, no homework, my double and axel back,...]. but yea, that's one of the major bad things that happened last week (or 2 weeks ago, whatev). on thurs, i realized i lost my double and axel. now, most ppl have no idea what i'm talking about, b/c they're dance moves. however, b/c i haven't had a serious tech class in 5-6 yrs, I'VE LOST MOST-ALL OF MY TECHNIQUE!!! and for those of you who still have no idea what i'm talking about, for a dancer to lose her turns and technique, it's worse then (a normal person/non-dancer) losing all four limbs. i'm serious. it's like losing a part of your soul. we're talking MAJOR loss. however, as of last thurs, i've gotten part of them back. i can now do a double, it's just slow, bad, i tend to fall out, wobble, and it has a little hop in the middle. my axel's 50-50. and i have to be able to do both of them for homecoming, which is 2 weeks from yesterday. i'm screwed. seriously screwed. anywayz, i went to purdue on tues, and i must say, it's changed my perspective of possibly going to a big school. not necessarily purdue, but maybe IU or something.

last night, went to the emerson rose concert w/a buncha ppl, and THEY ROCKED!!!!! i LUV emerson rose! the band that opened for them wasn't bad, either. chasing elvis is their name, i think. they had a really hot drummer. and their lead guitarist looked a LOT like jack black, but he talked a lot about God, and i'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just, i've gone to catholic school for.... lemme count... about 15 yrs. and i just got back from retreat, so while i'm all good on the God thing, i've just had enough of the preaching. he needs to go on retreat, then he'll b better. ;)

Also, so, homecoming week is coming up, which means dress up days (b/c we have to wear uniforms, we get to dress up on days to go along w/certain themes, and b/c this is one of the rare opportunites we have to b outta uniform, ppl go CRAZY). however, this yr's days rn't that great: Mon=John Deer day, Tues=Cereal Box Character day, Wed=Ancient Greece/Toga day (i've had latin for 4 yrs, i'm a little burned out on togas), Thurs=Hippie day, Fri=Blue and Gold day (it's traditional). all i have to say, is WTF were ppl smoking when they made up these days?!?! grrrrrrr..... how am i supposed to dress up as a cereal character? i'm seriously considering just wearing something totally random and then saying it's the character on an organic cereal box. i mean, who could call me on it? and for John Deer day, i have no trucker hats, straw hats, or flanel shirts. what do i do? and we're only allowed to wear jeans on mon, thurs, and fri. any ideas??? i'm so lost.

p.s. tyler, puer is boring, so i did incendium (aka fire).

Live the fourth!!!

Purple.... The New Grey!

2004-09-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

hey ppl! i just got back from my retreat, and all i have to say is that it was everything everyone said it would be, and then some!!! seriously, whether or not ur religious, if u get the chance to go on a retreat, GO!!!!! they're an excellent way to learn about urself. i have cried for more emotional reasons these past 4 days then i have my whole life put together (and i HATE crying- i tried sooooooo hard not to). when i first arrived and met my group, i was like, "o lord, get me out of here- NOW!!!" but by the end of today (earlier, actually, but today being the last day and whatnot) i wouldn't trade them for anyone else. i mean, what other group can boast about their penguin fights, twinkie incident, and wade's "flintstone fall." :P i love my group, and my leaders were awesome, as were the talks.

anywayz, i'm sure some ppl are wondering about the title, seeing as how i complained about naming them so often. :) however, i'm sure one of the things everyone remembers from camp is the "grey area" issue. well, at CHS's retreat, we had our own version of "grey areas." we called them "purple." a girl's color is pink, and a boy's color is blue, and when they mix they make purple. therefore, we were not allowed to make "purple." when i heard the purple rule, the first thought that popped into my mind was "grey area." ;)

P.S. k, so ppl were confused re: help w/the latin poem. all i need is someone to suggest a random noun. seriously. like dog, or cake, or house, etc. so once again, any suggestions/help welcome.

I've learned that in my decision to risk loving- love has been returned many times over.
~Rebecca Pavlik-Heger

Insert something creative here

2004-09-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

Hey ppl! so I had the awesomest weekend. jessi and laura an I went out, and, needless to say, craziness ensued. I mean, come on, we haven’t seen each other in like, a month. what’d u expect? ;P there was much exchanging of information (aka gossiping), squealing, and making fun of rachael and her eating habits. I had my first REAL mocha at the abbey, and well…… anyone who knows about me and my relationship w/sugar/caffeine is going “oh, god” right about now. ;) I tried to read a batman book I found in the abbey’s bookcase out loud, but laura and jessi kept stealing my book. I was hurt. *tear* however, in exchange for the fun I basically put everything else that I needed to do off until the last possible moment, which resulted in me freaking out last night b/c my internet (no, not hector, the internet) died. I had to study for an online psych test (for today), and that’s kinda hard to do when you can’t get online. AT ALL. add in the fact that I was already freaking out about my calc test (that was today too) and my in class eng essay (yuppers, today) that’s taking the place of the test, and, well…. yeah. let’s just leave it at that. not fun. I mean, online psych @ 6:50 am + calc 2 periods later + eng essay 2 periods later + little to no sleep= me brain dead. however, today I am leaving to go on my senior retreat. everyone I’ve talked to has always said to make sure you go on an early senior retreat and they always talk about how good they are. I can’t wait. I won’t be back until late Friday and I’m REALLY looking forward to the break. I DEFINITELY need it. I just realized how much I talk about school. I don’t know what’s more sad: all that I ever complain about is school, or the fact that I have little-no life outside of it. 

OOOO!!! PS, I have to write this poem thing in latin, but I’m lazy and don’t wanna come up with it. so anyone who wants to, please submit a random noun (in English). but use common sense, it has to be translate-able- last year I had to translate a children’s book about a toad in a car, and it’s not fun trying to find the latin for “movie theater” and “bowling alley.” so just any random noun, and I’d be very grateful. thanx!

Good friends are like four leaf clovers: hard to find but lucky to have.

y do i have to title these things? seriously, it's a waste of creative energy, and for ppl like me w/a VERY limited amt of creativity, it's AWFUL!!!!*

2004-09-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

i was gonna continue my title rant, but i ran outta space. anywayz, n/m new here. i'm soooooooooo totally slap-happy now. but that might b b/c i was up till, like, 1:30ish doing hmwk, and even then i didn't finish, and then i had to get up early- YUCK. i just wrote my eng paper (yes, the whole thing in one night) and a religion paper and then i quit. so in order to remain conscious throughout the day i had lotsa sugar and then i had starbucks after school, so yea. ;) i'm very happy!!!! even tho i prolly failed my ap stat quiz, and i'm missing the explanation for the term paper next week b/c i'm gonna b on retreat (aka i'm gonna fail!!! ARGHHHHHH) i'm happy/content. ;) except i think i had too much sugar, b/c my friend gave me a whole bag of hershey's kisses b/c she ate all the other chocolate in my locker and so i had a lot of those (no, not all :P) so i could stay awake and now i have a headache. wow, i really do ramble, and about the most random things. i talk a lot, too. well, type a lot, whatev. close enough. oooooo! i had a realization the other day. i can't dance. so, i'm on the varsity dance team at school (no, not pom squad, they're 2 TOTALLY different things) and we were practicing, and i can't do double pirouttes, or piques, or toe-touches, or any of that other stuff. yes, i said toe-touches. y is the dance team doing a cheerleader move, i don't know. it could b b/c our cheorographer is on crack (even tho i luv him to death, i'm not totally fond of the dances). as for the other stuff, i haven't had a REAL dance class since i moved from IL 5 yrs ago (i mean, i took a class, but it was a fun class, not a technical class). so yea, i sux, and homecoming is coming up. o joy. o well, c'est vie, i'll make do (however i'm not fishing for compliments, and i SWEAR if anyone e-mails me or whatev and says "o, don't worry, u made varsity, u must b good, i'm sure u'll do fine," etc, then i'll have to hurt u, b/c u've never seen me dance, so HOW WOULD U KNOW?!?!) o well, i'm sure if we alter a few moves and get new music they'll b fine. i hope. i think. maybe. sorta. kinda. sure, y not. :)k, so i gtg b/c my sis is hungry and i get to go out and get dinner 4 my lil sis's b/c they're harassing me again.

"If it's after midnight...
RACHAEL: GO TO BED!!!! SLEEP WILL DO YOU MORE GOOD THEN DAZED IRRATIONALITY ON ANY TEST YOU HAVE TOMORROW!!!!!"
(excerpt from a friend's away message)
*pfft* what does she know, just b/c she's a genius and #2 in our class... dazed irrationality suits me just fine. ;)

It has begun...

2004-09-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

Hey pplz, if anyone's reading this. N/m new w/me, other then school's started, and i don't sleep, but whatev. Stressing b/c i have a gilgamesh essay due on fri, and i really haven't done anything. well, i've done a little, but not enough. eh, i don't wanna work. i'll put it off till later. ;) I'm happy, tho, b/c my senior class is building a house for habitat for humanity, and i get to go and work on it tomorrow during periods 1-5. which is nice, and yet it sux. i mean, i don't have to do the hmwk for those classes, but 4/5 of them are HARD classes that i need to b there for. o well, i'll just fail. c'est vie. it's nuthin new. gtg babysit tonight, o joy!

“Sanity is overrated. Once you throw it away, you get to see just how fun life can be.”